Galaxy Angel Naruto
by Guardian Craze
Summary: Vanilla gets sucked into a portal and lands on top of Naruto on the other side. when she looks into his eyes, she falls in love with him. she will have to choose between, find a way back home, or stay with Naruto. NarutoXVanilla NarutoXGalaxy Angel xover
1. Chapter 1

AJ: has any of you seen the anime, Galaxy Angels? Well this is a crossover for you. I never seen any Galaxy Angel crossovers on this genre, so I thought I might as well give it a shot. Well… here goes nothing. Oh yeah, and the reason this is classified as NarutoXKyuubi is because I wanted to make it easier to find it!

Life: AJ by no means owns Naruto. It is the property of what-his-name.

Peace: He doesn't own Galaxy Angels either. If he did, then this crossover would actually exist!

Ovoi: and without further ado, here's chapter one!

--X--

"_Watch out!"_ Milfie yelled over to Mint who just barely dodged the blast that was coming over her way. The girl had long pink hair and was piloting a ship called, an Emblem Frame.

"_Thank you Milfie!"_ She replied. The girl was small, and had a pair of big animalistic ears. The strange part is she also has a pair of normal ears with it. She has light blue hair that just reached to her neck.

"_Eonian forces dead ahead!"_ the blonde Ranpha called to them.

"_I got this one!"_ the red-headed Forte said as she fired several shots at the enemy.

"_Chrono break cannon at 98!"_ a space pilot said to grey-haired Lester.

"_Girls! Keep stalling! We need a little more time!"_

"_Leave this to me,"_ The green haired, red eyed girl, Vanilla, said as she charged her Emblem Frame toward the enemy.

Eonian forces were coming from her left. She skillfully maneuvered over them as they passed by her. Then she appeared behind them and shot several blast, which hit the enemy and caused them to explode.

"_Nice shot Vanilla!"_ Milfie said.

"_Chrono break cannon at 100! It's ready!"_

"_Alright,"_ Lester said raising his right arm, _"we're ready! Girls! Clear the battlefield!"_

"_Got it!"_

"_Roger!"_

"_Ok."_

"_Yes sir!"_

"_Alright."_

"_Battlefield clear of Emblems! We are ready to shot the Black moon!"_ the black haired Chitose said.

"_Well then,"_ Takuto said, _"fire already!"_

"_Don't rush me! Alright then. Ready… aim… fire!!!"_

A white beam fired upon the Black Moon, trying to destroy the enormous round structure. But before it even reached it, the Black Moon fired a blast of its own. Similar to the Chrono break cannon, but pitch black and void of any light.

"_What the hell!"_

"_Impossible…"_

The Black Moon managed to push back the blast, but for some strange reason, the point where the two points impacted started warping.

"_What is this?"_ questioned Vanilla, _"I… I can't get away!"_

"_Vanilla watch out!"_ yelled Milfie, but to no avail.

The warped place started swirling and eventually formed a black hole. It started sucking Vanilla in, but for some reason, only Vanilla and not her Emblem Frame.

"_Ahh!!!"_ she screamed as she was getting sucked in.

"_Vanilla!!! No!!!"_ Mint screamed. Her Emblem frame charged toward Vanilla, but was too late. The vortex completely sucked her in and closed shut.

"_No! VANILLA!!!"_ Milfie screamed at the top of her lungs with crystal tears in her eyes, slowly dripping onto her lap…

-x-

"_Hey Naruto, what do you think about this strange mission we got?"_ asked Sakura as she and Naruto walked down the streets of Konoha.

"_Beats me… Tsunade-baa-chan didn't even fill us in on the details. But I don't care about that! We're going back to Iwa!"_ yelled Naruto enthusiastically, jumping up and down.

Sakura giggled, _"always like you Naruto! You're always excited to see old friends again. I wonder how things have been since the last time we were there."_

"_Who knows. But three years is too long for me. I only wish that-"_

"_Naruto! Watch out!"_

They stopped in their tracks, almost running into a small, dark hole in front of them that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. The hole was void of any light, and had dark purple matter swirling inside it.

"_What is that thing? Is that a dark hole? How the hell did it just appear out of nowhere?"_ asked Sakura, pulling out a kunai, just in case that a possible enemy ninja pops out.

"_Is this some kind of jutsu? I never have seen anything like this before…"_ Naruto said as he shuffled closer to the hole.

"_Be careful Naruto! This might be a genjutsu to trick us! Who knows what might happen!"_

"_Relax Sakura! We're still in the village! If enemy ninja do come out, we have a whole bunch of people to back us up! Besides, it's not like a person is going to jump out of the hole or something!"_

As if on cue, a figure sprung out of the dark hole, surprising both Naruto and Sakura. Unfortunately for Naruto he was in front of the hole. The figure got closer to him and just when it was about to reach him, the scenery slowed down and made a close up of both Naruto's and the figures lips. Slowly the distance closed in on each other, inching toward each other, waiting to connect. Both of their lips finally made contact with each other, seemingly softly. Naruto was so surprised, that he accidentally stumbled back onto the ground, taking the figure with him, as their lips were still connected. As they both fell, Naruto unconsciously wrapped his arms over the figure, which was now identified as a girl with light green hair.

They both hit the ground with a soft thud. The girl was on top of Naruto, their lips still connecting. Her eyes were closed and she had her hands on his chest. Her legs were on either side of him, and her body was compressed with his. She had on a dress that he couldn't identify. She wore a white dress that reached down to her knees and white stockings on. The fabrics on her shoulders were puffy, adding to the elegance of the dress. Light green frills made their way down the middle of the dress itself. Lastly, she wore a strange headgear that Naruto hasn't seen before. It was like she was from a different planet or something, because he doubts that there was anything on earth that had that kind of headgear or the dress for that matter.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open, revealing deep red eyes that stared back at Naruto's sapphire blue eyes. They both looked at each other and blushed when they finally realized that they were both kissing. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. She looked around to find unfamiliar surroundings.

"_Where… where am I?"_ the girl asked.

Sakura was the first one to get out of her stupor, _"Umm… you're in the village of Konoha. And judging from your appearance, you're not from around here are you?"_

She nodded, _"yes, you are correct… a village you say? This place looks more like a city to me."_

"_We're a big nation, so it's a wonder why we're still called a village. Anyway, may I ask you who you are?"_

The girl looked at Sakura. _'Strange, besides a few concepts like the widened forehead and her emerald eyes, she almost looks like Milfie…' "My name is Vanilla…Vanilla H."_

Sakura smiled, "My name is Sakura! And this is-"

"_Naruto!"_ a silver haired Jounin and a white haired Sannin said as they landed on a branch. The Jounin had his left eye covered with a headband, and the Sannin had t strange outfit on with a giant Scroll on his back.

The white haired Sannin started speaking, _"Naruto! Are you alright? We picked up a disturbance and-"_ he looked over Naruto, _"Hohoho!!! What do we have here! Naruto, you dog! Who's the lucky girl! And in public no less! I envy you!"_

Naruto and Vanilla blinked. They both looked at each other a blushed, finally realizing the compromising position they were in. she got off of him and helped pulling him up.

"_S-sorry about that…"_ Vanilla said with a red tinge on her cheeks.

"_No, I should be the one to be sorry…"_ Naruto said rubbing the back of his head and giving his foxy grin, _"Besides, it's not like that meant anything right?"_

Sakura blinked then gave a mischievous smile, _"what are you talking about? Both of you were kissing each other and fell to the ground! You even wrapped your arms around her and she had her hands on your chest and her legs on either side of you! You two were all over each other!"_

Both Naruto and Vanilla blushed harder, _"S-Sakura! Wa-what are you talking about! Th-that's not funny!"_

"_It's not supposed to be funny! It's actually true!"_ she replied giving him her 'innocent face'.

Both blushed harder and their faces were beat red, _"That didn't mean anything! That was just an accident! It meant nothing!"_

Vanilla thought for a minute, then blushed a little, _"actually… that was my first kiss…"_

"_Gyaaaaaa!!!!"_

The silver haired Jounin gave his eye smile, _"well now. It seems that we're all getting along now. My name is Kakashi Hatake, and this fellow right beside me is Jaraiya. May I ask you who you are?"_

Trying to get her act together, _"um… my name is Vanilla H. It is very nice to meet you, Kakashi-san,"_ she ended with a small bow.

"Oh, no need for formalities. You can just call me Kakashi."

Shaking off his blush, _"And My name is Naruto Uzamaki! But you can me Naruto!"_ he said with another one of his grin.

Vanilla blushed again, _'wow… his smile is so radiant… so mesmerizing… his eyes… they're so deep… I feel like I could look at them all day…' "Beautiful eyes…" _she muttered to herself, not realizing that she actually said that out loud.

Sakura raised one of her eyebrows and smiled, _"his eyes are beautiful you say?"_

Vanilla and Naruto blushed. Jaraiya took out his notebook and started vigorously writing down notes with a perverted grin. He wrote down ten pages so far.

Kakashi said with another one of his eye smiles, _"Well then I take it we are all getting along now."_

Vanilla then thought of something, _"Wait, which planet am I on?"_

Everyone blinked at her.

Naruto said, _"Um… you're on planet earth… why?"_

"_Earth? Oh no… I'm thousands of light years away from the other angels…"_

"_Why won't we take you to the Hokage and see what she can do?"_ Naruto said, a little confused, _"Maybe she can help. Or… something…"_

"_Alright. Please take me to your Hokage Naruto-kun."_

Naruto blushed a little at the -kun suffix, _"alright… let's go!"_ he picked her up bridal style, which made her blush, and roof jumped over there.

--X--

AJ: you know, this story is rated M for a reason. There will be a lemon later on. So don't worry about it!

Life: And please review this story. AJ has yet to make a sufficient amount of reviews, with out the story itself getting deleted for some self-explanatory reason.

AJ: eheh… please review. And go easy on me… my writing is getting a little better…

Ashly: emphasis on 'little'

AJ: hey!


	2. Chapter 2

Rock: hey Andrew have you seen AJ?

Andrew: I have not Rock.

AJ: Gyaaaaaa!!! (burst into the room from behind them) Help me! They're going to molest me!!!

Rock: (not hearing him) hmm… maybe he went golfing…

AJ: (arms grab his legs and pull him back.) I'm over here you idiots! The Develia girls are trying to rape me!! Ahh!!!

Andrew: Oh well. Let's go find him. (Both of them walk away)

AJ: you fucking idiots!!! Kyaaaaaa!!! (Gets pulled back into the door and the door shuts closed)

--X--

As they were roof jumping, Vanilla took this time to think.

'_Where am I? I know this is earth, but where is earth? This is a very strange planet… and this boy who is holding me…'_ looks up into Naruto's sapphire eyes, _'why am I blushing and acting strange around him? I am supposed to keep my emotions in check… am I falling for him? No… it cannot be… we just met a few minutes ago… although he gave me my first kiss… no! I must not think of this boy any longer! I must forget this feeling! But then again…'_ she looks up and down Naruto's body and blushed, _'he does possess a well-built body… I find that desirable… and his eyes… they are deep… I am genuinely surprised no one has yet to claim him.'_

-x-

Hinata stopped what she is doing and blinked twice, _"hm… my some-whore-is-trying-to-get-my-Naruto-kun-when-i-laid-claim-to-him sense is tingling…"_

Neji overheard her and sweat dropped. He backed away slowly from Hinata and put his hands up into a defensive gesture.

-x-

Vanilla blinked, _"well that was a strange thought…"_

Naruto looked at her, _"what was a strange thought?"_

"_Oh nothing…"_

They continued roof jumping and landed in front of the Hokage Tower. As they went in, Naruto thought of something.

"_Hey Vanilla."_

Vanilla looked up into his eyes, _"Yes Naruto-kun?"_ She realized what she said and blushed. She buried her face into his jacket so he wouldn't see.

He blushed when she called him -kun and then when he felt her dig her face into his jacket, thinking that she is trying to smell him, _"umm… when you asked which planet are we on, does that mean you're from a different planet or something like that?"_

Everyone else that came with them instantly listened in.

Her blush finally disappearing, she looked back up to him again, "_Yes. I am from a different planet in a different galaxy. I work for a group called the Angel Troupe. We are on a mission to destroy the Black Moon and keep peace in the universe. While my team and I were engaged in battle with the Black Moon, a vortex opened up and sucked me in. That is how I wound up here."_

"_I see… so, how are you going to find your way back home?_

"_I could possibly put up a radio transmission onto my tracker. That way, my team could easily pinpoint my location and find me here. But I suspect that it might take me a few moths to find out how."_

"_Cool! Maybe I could meet your friends! They seem like an interesting bunch!"_

"_Interesting indeed…"_

"_Angel Troupe huh?"_

"_That is correct."_

"_That kind of suits you! Maybe I should call you angel for now on!!!"_

Vanilla blushed at this comment, _"Um… O-ok…. Oh my…" 'is he willing to call me that already?'_

Oblivious to what that actually means, _"Ok then! Angel it is!"_

They stopped in front of the door leading to the Hokage's office. Kakashi knocked on the door, since Naruto is occupied holding Vanilla, apparently oblivious to the jealous stares of other girls that passed by them toward Vanilla. The door opened, and the sight they saw made them sweat drop. Tsunade was literally battling her paperwork. Somehow, the stack of paper actually was given life and was in a heated battle with Tsunade in a strange and ironic way.

"_Oh hello Naruto,"_ Tsunade said bashing the paperwork with a paper fan, _"What is it?"_

"_Um… did you try using a forbidden jutsu to get rid of the paperwork again?"_

"_Eheh…" _she finally was able to dispel the jutsu that was on the paperwork and it scattered all over the ground, _"Maybe…"_

Naruto sweat dropped and everyone else blinked thinking what he meant by 'again', _"Um… right… anyway, we have a problem…"_

She made three shadow clones and made them pick up all the papers, _"What is it gaki, and who is the girl?"_

"_Um well you see…. Her name is Vanilla and… she needs a place to stay,"_ Naruto said nervously, hoping she wouldn't press matters further.

Tsunade raised one of her eyebrows (The Rock style!) and looked over the girl. She put her hand on her chin and was contemplating in deep thought. She then went up and circled both Vanilla and Naruto and looked them over. She bent down and looked directly in Vanilla's eyes. Vanilla didn't blink. She circled them three more times, seeing the nervousness on Naruto's face.

"_Girl, where are you from?"_

She responded in her monotone voice, _"I am… from out of town."_

"_Which village are you from?"_

"_Um…"_

"_She's from Iwa Tsunade-sama,"_ Kakashi said reading his perverted book, _"She came her because of the loss of her parents, thinking she could find residence in this village to get away from her pain."_

Tsunade seems to buy this for a moment, as her face immediately saddens. After what seemed like hours, which is actually 2 minutes since the clock is broken and seems to go past thirty minutes every ten seconds so Tsunade had to take it down to replace it later which takes a bitch and a half to do, but that's past the story here, she perked up and said, _"ok."_

Naruto let go of the breath he didn't even know he was holding. She was going to have a home in the village, she would meet knew people, accustom to the traditions, get to know her better, or at least until her friends could find her. Just when Naruto was about to thank Tsunade, she said, _"But… we have a problem…"_

Naruto's face faltered when she said but, _"Problem? What sort of problem?"_

"_We don't have room…"_

Naruto dropped his face down so you can't see his eyes and his bangs are covering them…

"_But I do have a solution!"_ Tsunade said in a cheery voice, _"It will solve her problem in no time!"_

Naruto brightened up when he heard that she had a solution, _'maybe I will get to know her after all!'_

"_She will have to move in with you."_

Time seemed to stand still when the Hokage said those words. The room was so silent, you could hear Gai and Lee's rants of youth from the training grounds, and those damned green monsters just won't shut the hell up for the love of God. You could of heard them anyway, but just a little quieter.

"_WHAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_ Naruto screeched, but still does not compare to how Sakura screeched.

"_You heard me Naruto. She will have to move in with you. Besides, she is the one in your arms after all."_

Naruto and Vanilla's face turned beet-red. Naruto tripped backwards, taking Vanilla with him, and fell on his back. Vanilla, surprised, turned around and accidentally kissed him like she did last time. But this time, both of their mouths were open. As both of the tongues made contact, Naruto and Vanilla's face turned so hot, that steam was coming out of their ears. Sakura gaped and pointed towards them, Jaraiya was currently on his 4th notebook of the day, taking so much notes about them, Kakashi eye smiled, happy to be a witness, and Tsunade was taking pictures. How she got out a camera out of nowhere is anyone's guess. At that moment, Kurenai turned lesbian, Anko became nice to everyone, Ino and Sakura made up and became a successful owner of the worlds biggest flower company, Sasuke gave a true, genuine smile, Shino talked nonstop, Kiba killed himself, Akamaru started humping Hana's leg, who was trying to look up porn on the computer, Hinata flipped everyone off, Kakashi became a woman, Jaraiya turned gay and married to Britney Spears, Orochimaru turned into Michael Jackson, Kabuto was singing 'who let the dogs out', Shikamaru became an active enthusiast, Choji was the president of the United States of America, Gai and Lee started killing people who claimed to be youthful, Tenten started bitching to people, by killed them, Neji fated himself to kill himself, so he killed himself, Ibiki became constipated, Shizune killed Tonton and made a ham sandwich out of him, Ayame threw boiling hot water on her dad's face, who was crying out in pain and accidentally stabbed himself with a kitchen knife, Itachi turned girly and was opening up a manicure shop, Kisame jumped off a building, Gaara learned the values of life, Tsunade's boobs started shrinking, Iruka became a pimp, with Anko his bitch, and Naruto became a man. Lastly, Britney Spears album finally hit number one in the box office. The Universe stopped on its tracks and collapsed in on itself.

-x-

Naruto's eyes fluttered open from the strange dream he had. When he woke up, he noticed three things, one, he was still kissing Vanilla, with their mouths open, who was currently sleeping on him with only her undergarments on, two, he was shirtless and she was on top of him, and three he was not in the Hokage tower and was on the bed in his apartment. He slowly tried to pry Vanilla off of him, blushing when the tongues were rubbing against each other when he did it. But note the key word: tried. Vanilla wrapped her arms around Naruto and deepened the kiss, moaning at the same time. Naruto didn't know what to make of this. _'Why the hell is she doing this? And in her sleep nonetheless…' _Naruto gave up. He noticed there was a piece of paper next to his head. He picked it up and read it, noting that it was from Tsunade.

_Hey Naruto!_

_When you two passed out, we took the liberty of putting you back into your apartment. We also took off most of both of your clothes so both of you can enjoy a good sight when you wake up! Hope you two have fun!_

_P.S. _(in Kakashi's writing) _you realize by now that both of you are still kissing. Didn't want to interrupt your session! _(A picture of a chibi Kakashi was giving thumbs up)

_P.P.S_ (in Jaraiya's writing) _Gaki! You are making me rich! The material I got from both of you is enough to make ten books! I'll send you the first copy tomorrow!!!_

_P.P.P.S_ (in Tsunade's writing) _I took several pictures of both of you kissing. I'll black mail you later, but for now, have fun with your new girlfriend!_

Naruto twitched when he read Kakashi and Jaraiya's part, and gaped when he read Tsunade's part. The thought of blackmail scared him. He looked at Vanilla, who was giving no signs of letting go, or get her tongue out of his mouth for that matter. He wrapped his arms around her, who tightened her grip back, and closed his eyes, waiting for the darkness of sleep to take him.

-x-

Milfie was in her room, crying into Takuto's shoulder. They may have destroyed the Black Moon, but their friend Vanilla was lost.

"_Takuto! I can't believe Vanilla is dead! I couldn't do anything about it! If only..."_ she sobbed harder into Takuto's shoulder.

"_Don't worry Milfie,"_ Takuto said while comforting Milfie and wrapping his arms around her, _"I know she's not dead! She's tougher than thought!"_

Milfie sniffed and looked up to Takuto with tear-stained eyes, _"You… you think so?"_

"_I know so!" _he said.

Milfie calmed down a little and rest her head on his chest, occasionally sniffing to stop her tears, _"I hope you're right…"_

-x-

"_Alright Sasuke. Soon, you will return to your village where you belong."_

"_Why are you willing to let me go so easily Orochimaru? Do you have a plan?"_

"_No Sasuke… not this time… it seems I am dieing from a disease that's eating me away… there wouldn't be any reason for you to stay here when I'm gone. I know you miss your village very much, and I know they will accept you back, but for a price…"_

"_Thank you Orochimaru… um… Orochimaru?"_

"_Yes Sasuke?"_

"_Do you… do you know anyone by the name of Michael Jackson? I had this weird dream that-"_

"_Oh! Well, look at the time! You should be sleeping!"_

"_But you didn't-"_

"_That story is for another time Sasuke! Time to run now! See ya!"_

"_Um… ok…"_

--X--

Rock: any luck?

Andrew: no I haven't seen him yet…

Rock: wonder where he is…

AJ knocked down the door they were in.

AJ: I'm over here you bastards! Look behind you!

Serenity came up to him with a dominatrix outfit and a whip. But this Serenity was in her blood form.

Serenity: You are not going anywhere! (drags him back into the other room)

AJ: GYAAA!!! You bastards help me! (Dragged into the other room with the other Develia girls)

Rock: you hear something?

Andrew: Nope.

Rock: oh well…


	3. Chapter 3

AJ: pant… pant…

Rock: what's the matter?

AJ: I hate you all so much right now…

Andrew: Harsh… wonder what we did…

AJ: damn you all…

Rock: hn… whatever…

--X--

The sun was rising over the horizon as morning came. A strange green creature was on top of it and said something about the 'sun of youth' or some other crap like that, before a guy with white eyes and long hair bound in a ponytail hit him off the sun and told him to shut the hell up already, and he burned off. The sun's rays seeped through the window, setting on Vanilla's eyes. She felt something sweet in her mouth. Thinking that it was some candy that Naruto stuck in her mouth (although I don't know why she would thing that) she slowly sucked on it, savoring its sweet taste, but at the same time, a little off. It was a little off because it felt a little… fleshy. She fluttered her eyes open because sunlight got into her eyes, and squirmed a little. She couldn't move that much though, since it felt like something was holding her in place. Her vision finally focused from its blur, and when it did, her face heated up to about…. Oh… I don't now… maybe 25 degrees hotter? She immediately sat up, still being held by Naruto, and panted. She blushed and was on the verge of fainting from embarrassment, since she did suck on his (BLEEP) woops… I mean tongue after all eheheh… She looked down and saw Naruto with a small smile on his face and drooling, mumbling something in his dream. Oh yes, did I mention a small strand of saliva was still connected to Naruto's and Vanilla's mouth? I didn't? Then I did now!

'_mm…'_

"_Hm? Naruto?"_

'_hmmm… Sakura-chan…'_

"_Sakura-san? What about her?"_

'_I didn't know you were so tight… yes… that's right… you know you want it… ooooh… right there… let me stick it in you… oh Kami that feels good…'_

Vanilla blushed even more. She lightly shook Naruto to get him out of his 'happy ending' dream.

"_N- Naruto! It is time to wake up now! The sun has risen!"_

Naruto stretched and yawned, wondering who woke him up. He opened his eyes and was greeted with the green-haired, blushing Vanilla H. Wait a minute… blushing?

"Vanilla, why are you blushing? And why are you on top of me?"

The said girl regained her composure, after 10 minutes… and got off of him.

"_I am sorry Naruto." 'Sorry I got off of your sexy body. Wait, did I just think that?' "I will promise to never do that again."_

"_Um… that's alright… anyway I have to meet with my team. We're training with Kakashi-sensei again,"_ he heard an er-em sound from off distance, _"sigh… who has PURE AWSOME hair…,"_ he heard a voice saying you're damn right' from off distance. Who the hell was that anyway? _"Anyway, since I set my clock to 8:00 pm this time, I'll be right on time! He's always 2 hours late, so we learned that we should set our alarm 2 hours ahead."_

He got up, and was discovered he was only in his boxers, which Vanilla clearly enjoyed. (is it me, or has she become an instant pervert in a span of 16 hours?) He opened the closet, which had different assorted clothing. He was about to grab his favorite orange/black colored clothes until…

"_Um… Naruto-kun?"_

"_Hm? Yes?"_

"_May I make a suggestion on your choice of clothing?"_ she asked, while looking down. On his crotch.

"_Um… sure. What do you have in mind?"_

"_Well…"_

-20 minutes later…-

Vanilla squealed in delight at her handiwork. If Naruto looked this good with her selection, why doesn't he wear something like this more often? Naruto was wearing black steel toed shoes with red trim, black baggy camouflaged pants with a lot of pockets for ninja weapons and some chains with red trim, a black long sleeve muscle shirt that shows off all his muscles and stuff, a black trench coat with red trim with the kanji (meaning a name like the how the 4th Hokage had on his white trench coat yellow flash) with the kanji for "Fox" on the back in blood red letters, also the black trench coat also as red trim, he wears his head band on his right arm, and cool sunglasses that are black and look cool. (Thank you for the choice of clothing **Demonx32**!)

"_Wow Naruto-kun! You look stunning!"_

"_Thanks Vanilla!"_ Naruto picked up Vanilla and hugged her, "_I can't think you enough!_

Vanilla blushed at the contact and felt her face burn up again, _"no problem Naruto-kun I am always glad to help."_

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Naruto finally realized something.

"_Oh! Look at the time! I'm late! See ya later!"_ he put her down, grabbed an energy bar, and before he went out the door, he kissed her on the cheeks, and then left. Vanilla put her hand on where Naruto kissed her and sighed. 16 hours on this planet and she already fell in love with him. She was about to go in depth until the doorbell rang.

"_Hm? A visitor already? Who can that be?"_ she opened the door, and there was a delivery person. He handed her a book and left.

"Hm… what is this? … Icha Icha Vinalla Essence…" Vanilla said, "I wonder what this is…." She opened up the book and read a few passages,

"_Vinalla!?! What are you saying! You know I can't do this! Now let me go Princess!" The blond haired, blue eyed Nirato said, trying to get free of the bindings._

_Vinalla ignored him and removed his pants. Despite his hands being tied and getting raped from his will, his member was standing straight up. The green haired Vinalla licked her lips and took off the last of her remaining clothes, exposing her DD cups to the air. She crawled up to Nirato and forcefully kissed him on the lips._

"_I do not care what they say! I want you Nirato! I do not care if you can't make love to me, just because I am 3 years older than you! I don't care that you're a commoner and I am a Princess! I still want you! Even if this love is forbidden, I will still love you to the very end of my life!"_

_She positioned her virgin lips onto his member and plunged hard onto it. She screamed due to the intense pain she felt when her barrier was finally broken through. Nirato was worried about her, and tried to ask her to stop. But she put the gag in his mouth so he can't speak or protest. She rocked her hips up and down on his member and moaned, the pain finally subsiding, and arched her back, her long, green hair covering her plump ass. She couldn't believe the please she was getting. She reached up and started twisting her hardened tits since Nirato's hand were tied behind his back._

_Nirato on the other hand, actually was regretting what was happening, but couldn't think about it since the pleasure was taking over him. So he laid back and enjoyed the ride. He felt some liquids hit his face. When he opened his eyes, he discovered that Vinalla was lactating. How that happened, no one knows. When he tasted it, it tasted like vanilla. He felt something build inside him and his eyes widened._

'_No! Please stop soon Vinalla! If you don't stop soon! I will cum al over inside of you!!! Please Princess Vinalla! I beg you!' unfortunately for him though, he can't talk so he wasn't able to protest. He tried to remove the gag, but when ever he came close to removing it, Vinalla would always shove it back in. he was finally backed up into the corner. He was about to impregnate the most important person in the whole universe, and can do nothing about it. He was powerless. His train of thoughts was interrupted when he felt something soft and squishy press up against his face. Vinalla was pressing her DD cup breast against his face and rubbing against him!!! He blushed at the contact, and felt himself smile between the two giant, warm jugs._

_Vinalla was enjoying every second of this. When she felt that he was about to cum, she pressed her breast onto his face to stimulate him. He felt some movement under her breast, and felt him smile. She smiled too, knowing that he will be hers, and forever hers. She felt herself close to the end, and wanted her climax to be the best. She sped up, and intensified the pleasure. She moaned louder the faster she went, savoring the sweet and beautiful love making that is happening between them. She latched onto her lover's hands and arched her back as far as she can. She screamed extremely loud and climaxed. Nirato climaxed at the same time as her, the two juice mixing with each other. Their love, have been shown to their extent. Vinalla collapsed onto Nirato. Both of them were tired after their love making. She took the gag out of Nirato's mouth and released the bindings. He wrapped his arms around his Princess and snuggled close to her. Before the dream world claimed them they both said something._

"_I love you my Princess…" as he kissed her forehead._

"_I love you too… my Prince…" she kissed him back in the lips._

_They both slept the rest of the night, knowing that their love was forbidden. But they didn't care. They didn't care at all._

Vanilla stopped reading the passage she thought for a few minutes and then said, _"I should try that…"_

…

…

…

…

…

She blinked once.

…

…

…

…

…

She blinked again.

…

…

…

…

…

She went back to page one and started to read the book all the way from the beginning.

--X--

Life: I believe this is the part where you review.


	4. Chapter 4

AJ: GALAXY ANGEL NARUTO!!!

Andrew: right… sorry for the late update. AJ was too busy creating a lame excuse for his late update.

Rock: wait… what?

Ashly: can we get this on already?

Vela: 3… 2… 1… GO!

--X--

Sakura knew that today was going to be a weird day. Partially because she has that sixth sense that tells her that, and partially because Sai appeared out of nowhere and-

Sai appeared from the shadow in the alleyway, _"Penispenispenis,"_ then he receded back into the darkness…

…………and because of that… if yesterday wasn't weird enough with a green-haired girl appearing out of nowhere who is living with her teammate, Naruto, she heard the news of a hot blonde dude in Konoha. There was only one person in Konoha who has blonde hair, and it couldn't be him. How can it be him? He's just annoying, a ramen-addict, an idiot, annoying, has no clue, annoying and annoying. Did I mention annoying? Yes? Okay then.

'_Or… could it? No… it can't be… Naruto wouldn't be a person who just decides to change clothing like that… or this could be the work of that green haired girl could it? Maybe I just imagined that…'_

Ino and a few girls appeared out of nowhere and started to sing.

"_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!_

_And they're like, it's better than yours!_

_You're damn right! It's better than yours!_

_I could teach you, but I have to charge!"_

Then she left into the darkness of the alleyway…

'………_but then again, I could be wrong… today IS going to be a weird day…'_

A weird day indeed… from a distance, she could partially hear girls screaming someone's name and a boy screaming fro his life. But she just shrugged and went to the team 7 meeting place.

Strange… was that…? The author looked over at Vela who nodded.

Nice.

Poor, poor Naruto…

-x-

Naruto didn't know what to make out from the village's reaction to him. He passed by a few girls and he could have sworn that they were taking glances at his behind… the more he walked, the more people were staring at him. Some of the guys looked… jealous? No… it can't be… who could be jealous of him? He was nothing special right? … … … right? He felt someone staring at him from behind him. He turned around to find a 3 girls staring at him. 2 of them blushed and turned around, while the third passed out with blood coming from her nose…

'_Hm… maybe I should go eat first before I meet my team. Then maybe I could sort out the new looks I'm getting…'_

Lucky for him, his favorite Ichiraku ramen stand was just a few yards ahead of him. He smiled as he went in and sat at his favorite seat.

"_Hey old man!"_ Naruto said to Tenchi as he sat down in his seat.

"_Hey Naru- Naruto! Look at you! You look great! The girls will be sure to swoon over you!"_ Tenchi the ramen bar owner exclaimed.

Naruto scratched the back of his head in embarrassment and blushed, _"I don't look that good!" 'But that could explain the weird looks I got…'_

"_Are you kidding me?! I wouldn't be surprised if girls start flocking here just to be next to your new self! That scores some girls for you and more business for me!"_ Tenchi said as dollar sings replaced his eyes, _"Yes… yes… sweet, sweet money…"_ he started rubbing his hands together in a sort of… maniacally, evil way…

Naruto sweatdropped at his antics and he scooted one seat away from the crazy, greedy man. Just then Ayame, the girl that worked at the ramen stand, came from the back door. She saw Tenchi with that look, again, and sighed.

"_Sigh… Tenchi, are you trying to make another money-making scheme again, remember the last time you tried-"_ she paused when she saw Naruto's new look. She didn't recognize hm for a moment, but when the gears in her head started turning and she saw the whisker marks on his cheeks that is when she realized something, _'Omigod! I just remembered a good recipe for chicken pot pie!'_ wait what? Uh… that is when she also realized SOMETHING ELSE, _'Omigod! Is that Naruto! That is Naruto! He looks so hot!'_ she blushed hard as she stared down at his semi-exposed chest, _'Really… really hot…'_ her gaze fell even lower, _'really… really… really hot…'_ she looked even lower until she hit that certain man area, _'Yes… big indeed… wait, why am I thinking this? I'm not a pervert!'_ she looked back down, _'although… I might consider being one…'_

An image of Jaraiya popped up next to her with his left hand extended with a victory sign.

Jackass ero-sannin…

Indeed.

-x-

Meanwhile, Vanilla was wondering around the village a few minutes after Naruto left for his meeting. She was getting used to the surroundings and the strange people she met along the way. So far, she met two green monsters who kept saying something about youth, an artist who seems to have a penis and genital fetish, which Vanilla took a mental note to stay away from, a seemingly lazy boy who was currently feeling up a platinum blonde-haired girl who was saying something about milkshakes, a guy with white eyes and long hair who said something about fate getting him 'bitch-slapped in the ass', she made another mental note to ask Naruto what that meant, and a boy with a giant dog who was humping a helpless cat, and the boy on the floor rolling around laughing. She did not understand the customs and strange rituals these people were doing, but she was really interested in what ritual involved a giant dog thrusting its pelvis at a small cat.

'_And while, I'm at it, I should ask around the Village if there was anything I could do for Naruto to show my gratitude for him. I do not know who to talk to though, as it seems they are too busy doing something…'_ Vanilla thought as she unconsciously walked towards the bathhouse. She spotted the white-haired man from yesterday in a tree, giggling for some strange reason writing something down in a notebook, _'Maybe he has an idea of what I should do for Naruto.' _

She walked towards the tree and looked up at him, who hasn't noticed her yet. She tried calling his name a few times, but her voice was too soft. She shrugged and climbed the tree with ease. She reached the branch and walked towards Jaraiya, who still didn't notice her.

"_Excuse me-"_

"_Holy shit!"_ Jaraiya exclaimed, surprised. He dropped his pen and notebook and fell forward inside the bathhouse. All the girls screamed and grabbed the nearest weapon they could find. Unfortunately for Jaraiya, they were spiked bats. Jaraiya, on the other hand, was sweating and tried to back away. He hit a wall and waited for his inevitable doom, _"Well I lived a good life…"_ was the last words he said as he got pummeled into the ground…

--Several beatings later…--

Jaraiya and Vanilla were at the park, with Jaraiya wearing several bandages all over his body. His left eyebrow was twitching in annoyance, _"What the hell do you want gaki!"_

Vanilla, acting as if Jaraiya didn't just get beaten down by several naked and strangely strong girls replied, _"I need advice on how to show my gratitude to Naruto for everything he has done for me up to this point. I want to please him when he gets home, and I will please him in any way possible."_

There was a moment of silence.

"_Gratitude?"_

"_Yes sir."_

…

"_So you want to please him huh?"_

"_Yes sir."_

…

"_In any way?"_

"_Yes sir."_

…

Jaraiya had an evil smirk, _"Well then! All you have to do is o read this and you'll be fine! I'll be off now! Don't want to waste your time! Bye!"_ and with that, he left in a puff on smoke…

Vanilla blinked and stared at the place where he used to be. Then she looked down at the book that the man had just given her. The book was paper-backed and it looked like it had about 50 pages in it.

"_How To Please Your Man, by: Jaraiya."_

…

She went home and started reading…

--3 hours later…--

Naruto looked like he just been to hell and back. His clothes were ruffled, his hair was a mess, there were lipstick all over his face, and he was sweating. He recently ran away from a hoard of girls, who almost raped him.

Poor, poor Naruto…

"_At least I have someone waiting at home for me!"_ Naruto said gleefully, _"I won't be alone anymore!"_

He reached the front of his house and opened the door. What he saw shocked him. His right eye was twitching and he had an extremely red face.

"_Welcome back Master,"_ Vanilla said.

Vanilla was currently wet. But she wasn't drenched in water, she was drenched in ramen soup. She was holding a bowl of miso ramen and was wearing an apron. But that was it. That was the ONLY thing she was wearing. She had nothing else on, not even a bra. She had a light blush adorning her face, adding to her cuteness. If it wasn't for the fact that she was an innocent 13 year old girl, she would have been hot to any other man. Actually, she looked hot anyway.

'_You can do this Vanilla. Follow the instructions in the book…'_ she took a deep breath and sighed, _"Welcome back Master,"_ she said in a sexy voice, _"For tonight, I will service you for anything you need tonight. So, what do you want from me Master?"_

Naruto did the only thing an innocent, 15 year old virgin male with a demon inside him could do.

He passed out.

Sai appeared out of nowhere.

"Penispenispenis."

And he receded back into the darkness…

--X--

AJ: …

Andrew: …

Ashly: …

Rock: …

Serenity: …

Vela: …

Andrew: nice…

AJ: indeed…


	5. Chapter 5

Ashly: perverted bastard…

AJ: the hell did I do?

Ashly: not you… my brother…

AJ: what did he do now?

Ashly: he was spying in the Develia's women's bathhouse again… so I beat some sense into him…

Rock: hn…

Andrew: crotch… in… pain…

Ovoie: OK guys! The story will start in 3… 2… 1… GO!

--X--

Kiba clutched his head in pain. He groaned and picked himself up from the dirty road in a random ally. He looked around and saw Akamaru stirring as well, whimpering and putting its paws on its forehead as if he was experiencing a horrible headache as well. He focused his vision downward, when he was deeply disturbed, and freaked out when a cat crawled from under Akamaru, limping slightly, and crawling away.

'_Okay, let's review what happened… a few hours ago, me and the rest of the gang were drinking water. Now that I think about it, water DOES NOT taste like alcohol, nor does it supposed to make Lee go like that… hm… Sakura wasn't there, I'm glad… Akamaru… screwed a cat… I'm proud of him, but still creepy. Ino… I don't know what happened to her… I don't even want to know… but for some reason, I don't think I want any milkshakes anytime soon… Sai, What. The. Fuck. I knew he liked penises, but to go around town and saying it? Again, what. The. Fuck. Damn… I feel so tired… I think… I'm… going… to… sleep…'_ Kiba last thoughts were before he passed out again.

At that moment, Sai woke up from his Sake-induced sleep. He rubbed his eyes groggily, and looked around with bags under his eyes, "What the penis happened to me?"

-x-

"Naruto-kun! Naruto-kun!" Vanilla yelled to the unconscious Naruto on the floor. She was still wearing that apron from last time. Again, she was ONLY wearing the apron. She fanned his face, shook him, and poured water on his face, promised something she would do to him that she read from that Icha Icha book into his ear, which somehow made more blood gush out from his nose, but nothing seemed to work, "I did everything the book told me to do perfectly, I followed the instructions, what did I do wrong? Isn't Naruto supposed to be happy? And why is blood coming out of his nose?" she thought of what she did before Naruto came into the house.

--Flashback--

_Vanilla was on her way to Naruto's small apartment. She was about to turn the corner to reach the apartment, until she spotted Naruto's father-figure, Iruka, in a grocery store. Her face remained impassive like usual, so she went over to him. (AJ: If that ever made sense…)_

'_If I remember correctly, that person whose name means dolphin is Naruto's father-figure. He knew Naruto longer than anyone, so maybe I could get advice from him so I can please Naruto-kun,' she thought in her head with her usual monotonous voice._

_-x-_

_Iruka was blissfully unaware of everything around him. He was having a good day today. One, the students at the academy actually LISTENED to him this time. Not unlike the other times those mother fu- er, I mean gifts from above acted like those times before. His thoughts then wondered back on the time where he was finally able to write his list on people who he wanted to kill._

_-x-_

_Iruka grinned evilly as he wrote down names in his list that he wanted to kill. He was eating potato chips that were next to him. He took a potato chip every time he wrote down a name._

'_First, I'll write down the names of people who I want to kill on the list… then, with my left hand, I'll take this potato chip,' he grabbed a potato chip from the bag and brought it to his mouth, "AND EAT IT!" he said out loud before he bit into the potato chip, causing the chip to break into pieces with little pieces spinning on its axis in slow motion, with sparks coming out of the potato chip._

_Everyone around him sweatdropped at the sight, slowly backing away before turning around and ran into a full sprint so they don't have to deal with the insane man whose potato chip was STILL breaking in slow motion._

_-x-_

_Iruka chuckled lightly since he actually put a genjutsu on the potato chip to make it look like it was breaking in slow motion, "Best. Line. Ever."_

"_Excuse me."_

"_MOTHER FUCKER!" Iruka screamed as he jumped up and stuck to the ceiling upside down on all fours using chakra to stick up there._

'_Why is it that this is the reaction I get when I do that?' oh, I don't know, but maybe you should stop it?_

"_Va- Vanilla?" he stopped the flow of chakra from his hands and feet, but forgot to flip over as he fell down flat on his back. Hard. He let out an embarrassed laugh and got up slowly, "What are you doing here?"_

"_I need your advice to help me so I can please Naruto-kun in any way possible," Vanilla said in a monotonous voice, "I want to properly thank him, but in this book that a man gave me it said that I have to give intercourse to him. I am not familiar with this term, so I would like for you to explain it to me."_

_Iruka stared at her for a full minute. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, and then he went back to staring at her like she grew a second head. His eyes widened when his brain FINALLY processed what the girl said to him, and before he could stop himself, he yelled out what finally came into his mind._

"_YOU WANT TO HAVE HOT SEX WITH NARUTO!!"_

_Every single girl in the store in hearing range of him heard this and stopped what they were doing. As soon as that happened, they ran off in a cloud of smoke, determined to have sex with our blonde hero first, before that girl gets to him._

_Vanilla stood impassively in her spot. She looked at Iruka who looked like he saw a ghost. After five full minutes, Vanilla left when she figured that he wouldn't give her the answers she needed. She went off to find the next person she could find that could possibly give her the answers she needed. Unfortunately for her, she found Anko. Oh shit…_

"_Hey gaki! I head that your new in town, and made out with that Uzumaki kid in the middle of the park! How brave of you!" Anko said with enthusiasm as she slapped Vanilla in the back. Vanilla however, didn't move an inch._

"_By the way you are referring him, you must know him somewhat. I need advice to how to please Naruto so I can thank him for everything he has done for me up until now. This book I have says that I have to do intercourse, but I have no idea wha this term means. Do you have any suggestions?"_

_Anko blinked at the girl, but then broke out into a mischievous. She misconstrued the wording of the girl, and thought that the girl wanted the fuck the blonde's brains out. Knowing Anko, that was always the case with her. "Well then! You want to fuck the gaki's brains out huh?"_

_Vanilla tilted her head to the side, unsure what the woman meant. She then slowly nodded her head yes if it meant that she would get what she needed._

_If it was even possible, Anko's grin turned even bigger. "Well then! Let's go to his house and get ready shall we? I know a little bit of what he likes, so I could work with what I got! Let's go gaki, so we can get started on you training… kukukuku…" Anko chuckled maniacally._

_-x-_

_When they got to Naruto's house, the next thing they did was to prepare a "welcoming" for Naruto. Since Anko was involved in all this, that would not have been good. Whenever Anko is involved in anything, like what she's doing now, would mean losing a dangerous amount of blood for the victims involved. Or the couple breaking up and bringing up the divorce papers. Now that is the real reason why she was hated for a while in Konoha. It has nothing to do with her working with a snake pedophile, oh no. But since her latest victims are Vanilla and Naruto, this is an entirely different story since she's basically working with a clean slate._

_First off, she brought out all the volumes of Icha Icha that she owned. Which is quite a lot. She pulled out a book and ordered Vanilla a few pages of each volume. When she was sure that the girl read enough of the filthy crap, she moved on to the next part of the training, seduction._

_For Anko, she was in bliss. She was able to teach Vanilla everything she knew about seduction, and the male hormones in a span of 30 minutes. She was so proud, that she offered Vanilla to be her apprentice in the art of seduction. But to Anko's dismay, she declined. Thank God. We DO NOT want a second Anko running around. The girl did it all, teasing, talking dirty, swaying her hips sexily, which Anko found that the girl was all curves under that dress. Everything. After that, they moved on the last part of the training, appearance._

_At this stage, Anko found out that the girl's chest was bigger than it seemed. Under that dress, was a low C-cup set of hooters, big for her age. She found out when she ordered the girl to strip so they can get started. If she didn't know better, she could have sworn the girl can make men bow down before her if it weren't for that dress and creepy accessories she had. Anko searched the kitchen to look for something she could use and bingo! She found Ramen broth. Why does she need ramen broth you ask? Simple, so she can pour it all over Vanilla and make her have that sexy wet look. That is in no way, perverted. Honest. She then took an apron and put it on her. Afterwards, both of them made a bowl of ramen since they know that the dude was addicted to it. Anko poured a strange liquid into it. When Vanilla asked what it was, Anko grinned again and said it was aphrodisiac. As soon as she left, she let everything up to Vanilla._

_--End Flashback--_

And now here she is, drenched in ramen broth, and next to a passed out Naruto. Luckily for her, Anko told her what to do whenever Naruto had this reaction. So, she dragged Naruto to his bedroom and set him on his bed. She then proceeded to undress him until he was only in his boxers. Nodding to herself, she followed the next instructions that Anko left her. She took off her apron and lay on top of Naruto. She pressed her body as close to him as she can, feeling a strange sensation she never felt before wash over her body. Now, as Anko said before she left, was for her to go to sleep, and wait for Naruto to wake up. So she can in Anko's words, "Screw Naruto as hard as she can" or intercourse she clarified.

Sometimes ignorance can be bliss. But in this case, ignorance is just perverted in the most innocent way possible.

Dammit.

--X--

AJ: seriously, did anyone tell her the bird and the bees yet?

Ashly: poor girl, getting set up into Anko's perverted trap…

Andrew: a very good perverted trap may I add.

Rock: hn… review… and someone tell that girl that she is doing something she isn't supposed to do. YET.


	6. Chapter 6

AJ: okay so… yeah.

Rock: …

Andrew…

AJ: Just start the damn story already!

Ashly: 3… 2… 1… GO!

--X--

Vanilla blinked twice. Her eyes, well, kind of emotionless eyes… kind of… was currently staring at the body of Naruto, whom I might add, is still passed out. Why? Read the last chapter idiot… After she followed Anko's instructions and lay on top of him, he woke up a few minutes afterwards, only to pass out AGAIN because she was still naked. The problem was, this was not what was planned. She thinks it's not anyway. Anko's planned was layered as followed: Wear Apron holding the ramen naked, feed Naruto, sex ensues. But so far, the first part of the plan was as far as she went. She understood to immediately transition to the second part, but she did not know how to transition to the third part because… well, she still doesn't know what sex IS after talking to Jaraiya, Anko, and even IRUKA for God's sake! IRUKA! Even if he's a fucking teacher, he knows a lot more about sex than anyone else! ANYONE ELSE!

"This is a problematic situation," Vanilla stated still lying on top of Naruto, "If he doesn't stop ejecting blood soon, he shall surely die from the blood loss and trauma," as she see's that currently as her main concern, not even knowing the fact that SHE was the problem why he was "ejecting blood".

She got up finally after a few minutes of deliberation and decided to just drag Naruto back to his bed and try again later after he recovers. That is of course though, his "blood ejections" stops.

"Hm… perhaps I should express my gratitude in another way?" She said out loud thoughtfully, "But then again, this intercourse that everyone has told me about seems like an appropriate maneuver. Perhaps I should continue with that in mind, and skip everything else? Though I still wonder why the first plan failed…"

Yup, Naruto has the power to defy the odds. (Un?)fortunately for him, he managed to defy what could have been a few minutes earlier. I already said this a few times earlier, but I'll say this again…

Poor, poor Naruto…

-x-

Hinata was not an idiot. She IS the princess of the Hyuuga clan after all, though… usually shy, meek, timid, mostly scared, sometimes useless at times… but nonetheless, she is still not an idiot. She is currently jumping on the roof of the-

SLAM!

… Buildings… only to run into a bigger building when she was lost in her thoughts… why you ask? Remember in chapter two when Hinata said, quote: _"Hm… my some-whore-is-trying-to-get-my-Naruto-kun-when-i-laid-claim-to-him sense is tingling…"_ in chapter two? Well, there we go. She was trying to find this whore that is trying to get her Naruto. HER Naruto.

"A-ano… ow…" Hinata rubbed her nose from the impact, "T-that hurt…"

After a few minutes she looked around and made sure no one saw her do that. After all, she didn't want to tarnish the Hyuuga name right? But even if she would, what would happen right? I mean come on, she's a princess for God's Sake!

-x-

Hiashi was currently in the middle of drinking his tea when all of a sudden he stopped, "Hm… my daughter-is-about-to-do-something-foolish-to-tarnish-the-Hyuuga-name-and-really-doesn't-care-about-it sense is tingling…"

Neji looked at his uncle and sighed, "Why are all the main branch people so fucked up…

We may never know Neji. We may never know.

-x-

Hinata blinked, "My-father-is-going-to-be-a-jackass-but-I-won't-give-a-shit sense is tingling…" She just shrugged it off and continued to look for the whore who is trying to get her Naruto.

Only to slam into another wall.

"A-ano… I meant to do that…"

Right…

-x-

Sakura was walking around the village. She is very, VERY confused. Basically, everyone in the village is… well… fucked up.

"What the hell is going on here???"

The ninjas were currently doing, to put it in a sense that everyone can understand, the most random shit anyone could EVAH do. First off, Asuma and Kurenai were, actually, wasn't doing anything random... just… doing H-stuff in a dark ally. Meaning sex. Meaning hard sex. Meaning, putting your- you know what, yeah, you get the point. Ino was, for some reason wearing something a certain blonde pop singer would wear, *cough*Britney*cough* and strutting her ass EVERYWHERE! All the guys, except Neji since he's an emotionless jackass and the most boring mother fucker alive, were playing strip poker. That's right. GUYS playing strip poker. Try to get that image out of your head before it's burned in your memory bitches. Wait, where is Sai at anyway?

"I need to find Jaraiya and Iruka… at least they're somewhat normal here…"

The more she walked around the village, the stranger the crap she saw.

"The hell is going on…" she wondered, "Was it the water? That never happened before… that was weird… Hey! Maybe I can get Sai to-"

On cue, Sai suddenly appeared, "Penispenispenis- dammit! I can't stop!" and slinked back into the shadows…

…

…

"Fuck it, I'm going home…" and home she went to… the… um… yeah home.

-Back to Vanilla and Naruto-

Vanilla was currently contemplating her next move. She wandered around the rest of the apartment after she put Naruto to bed and stuffed tissues up his nose to prevent further ejection of blood (She still doesn't know it was her fault) and just explored what his apartment is. Although the apartment would be too small and cramped for a normal person, it feels just right to her. Perhaps it's just the feeling of comfort she gets from it?

"This would be a suitable place to induce intercourse," she thought out loud.

Or maybe just that… considering she still has NO idea…

Dammit…

"Ugh… ow… huh? Why is there tissue up my nose?"

Upon hearing Naruto's voice, Vanilla went back into the room.

"Naruto~san, you are finally awake," sshe said in her monotonous voice. It's as if showing emotion would kill her or something…

"Yeah… um… Vanilla~chan?"

She blushed hearing the chan suffix, "Yes?"

"Why were you naked?"

"I was not. I was wearing an apron."

He sweat dropped, "right… um… so why were you like that?"

Her answer was immediate, "It was so I can induce intercourse. It was all part of the plan to express my gratitude of taking me in this unfamiliar land."

"Eh?!"

"And now that you are awake, we can start."

"Wha?!"

Anko told me this. She said it will get you in 'the mood.'"

"Wait, what'd up say?!"

"She told me this: Let us have wild fucking like there's no tomorrow."

"Eh?!"

"Now drop your pants."

"Huh?!"

--X--

AJ: wow…

Rock: that fails a lot…

Ashly: you think?

Serenity: review please!


	7. Chapter 7

AJ: I'm sorry everyone! Please don't kill me!

Ashly: With that said, please kill him.

AJ: NOT HELPING!

Andrew: Meh… AJ is just so busy these days.

AJ: Why don't any of YOU GUYS type any chapters huh?!

Andrew: I'm the spell checker.

Ashly: I'm the plot writer.

Tica: I'm too busy checking out your Beta.

AJ: What the hell?

--X--

Sasuke was not having a good day. Nope, he was not a happy bunny… er… bat… thing. Whatever. On the way to Konoha, he was attacked by a group of bandits, rouge ninjas, two A-class nins, a pedophile, a giant monkey with a staff, Karin (Who tried to rape him… again.), and a squirrel. Sasuke shuddered, thinking about how dangerous that squirrel was. He had HUGE nuts for crying out loud! HUGE FUCKING NUTS!

Sasuke snickered at that thought, "Hehe… nuts…" no… NO! Now is not the time to think about his massive nuts! "Haha… massive…" DAMMIT!

I mean like seriously, they were big, round, and HARD! Any squirrel that knows how to use nuts their nuts as a weapon is considered at least an S-class ninja! Sighing for the umpteen time today for the past 2 hours, he just hoped he didn't get attacked again. He was strong enough to take on everyone else but not the squirrel, seriously. Getting hit by those nuts really hurt.

As if on cue, a squirrel brandishing a pair of massive nuts jumped out of the bushes and blocked Sasuke's path. His nuts were even BIGGER than the last one! "Sasuke! I challenge you to a duel to avenge the death of my brother!" the squirrel declared, swinging his nuts.

Sasuke sighed again, activating his seal, "Oh Kami… he has macadamias… someone out there must have it out for me…"

Oh, if he only knew…

-Back to Naruto's molestation-

"Gah! Wait a minute! Let's talk about this!" Naruto screamed, trying to crawl away with his pants pulled down at his ankles.

Vanilla only held onto his pants, trying to pull him back to bed, "I am afraid not. Anko said if you refused, then I have to use force to get you to commence intercourse."

"Anko's freaking crazy! Don't listen to her! Just let me go!" Naruto pleaded, not even THINKING of switching places with a freaking clone.

"That may be true, but she did tell me an excessive amount of information concerning sex. I still wish to know what a penis looks like." Somehow, Vanilla managed to say that with a straight face, "Also, she told me that I should sheath your penis within my vaginal walls as to feel pleasure."

For a moment, Naruto stopped to look back at her with a face that CLEARLY states, 'What the fuck did that woman teach you? Do you even have ANY idea what you're saying?' Only Naruto can express that with one expression, "Vanilla… do you even know what you're talking about?"

At the question, Vanilla let go of Naruto's pants and tilted her head, "I believe I saw a vide on how to commence sex. I believe it was titled, 'Icha Icha: Yumi and the Fox'. I do not really know what they were doing, but I'm pretty sure they were expressing great pleasure out of their actions. I believe the male from that video looked slightly familiar." She watched the video, she learned from Anko, she read that Icha Icha book that was sent to Naruto's house, she followed Anko's instructions, and she STILL doesn't know what sex is?

Naruto blanched, _'Oh… shit…' _he remembered that video. He remembered because the guy was in the video was based on HIM! Damn you Jiraiya! Damn you!!!

Kakashi, who was peeking- er… watching over Naruto and Vanilla… yeah, let's go with that, outside Naruto's apartment had to suppress the urge to laugh his ass off. Seriously, a girl who wants to fuck the guy's brains out, and a guy who's brains don't want to fucked… did that sound right? Whatever, has GOT to be the best show he ever saw! Well that and watching Jiraiya get his ass beat whenever he was caught peeking too. But this was funnier. "Poor Naruto. I wonder when he'll finally give in to his temptations. She looks all set and eager to me."

Sai appeared out of nowhere from the shadows, visibly shaking, "Must… resist… urge… to… say- Penispenispenis. OH FUCK IT ALL TO HELL!!!" he receded back into the shadows, weeping his eyes out.

Kakashi only groaned and shook his head, "Something is seriously wrong with that guy…"

Oh Kakashi, if only you knew…

-Onwards to Tsunade-

Tsunade visibly paled as she read the report in front of her. She looked up at the nervous Anbu who was scratching the back of his head sheepishly in a Naruto-like fashion.

"As you can see Hokage-sama, Sake somehow leaked in the water supply of the village. This explains the erratic behavior of all the citizens and ninjas that drink the water or use them for their activities."

The Anbu blinked as Tsunade slammed her head. She already knew that a few minutes ago, but that's not what was concerning her. Since the Sake leaked into the water supply, which could only mean one thing… Guy and Lee.

-Guy and Lee-

A huge explosion was heard in the Konoha Bar. People were screaming and running away from the place. Women were crying, searching for their babies, Men were screaming the end of the world. Everyone was scrambling, doing their best they can NOT to die. Within the chaos were two lone men… wearing bright green leotards…? Guy and Lee were clearly drunk, and getting the two strongest Taijutsu specialists in the village drunk was not a good thing. They were singing, holding a glass of the impure water.

Lee started off first, While Guy was singing in the background.

"Oh!!!!! What is the malted liquor? What gets you drunken quicker? What comes in bottles or in cans?"

"Beer!"

"Can't get enough of it!"

"Beer!"

"How we really love it!"

"Beer!"

"Makes me think I'm a man!"

"Beer!"

"I could kiss and hug it!"

"Beer!"

"But I'd rather chug it!"

"Beer!"

"Got my belly up to heeeeeere!"

"Beer!"

"I could not refuse a!"

"Beer!"

"I could really use a!"

"Beer! Beer! Be-er!"

"**Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer!"**

They continued singing, not realizing the havoc and destruction they are causing. Sakura, who was on her way home, could only stare in muted horror as they wreak drunken destruction and hellish pain. After figuring out what had caused all the weird behaviors, she finally realized true pain. She dropped to her knees, her fists waved to the heavens, "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!" No one really knew who she was screaming at, but hey. No one would blame her.

-x-

Kyuubi could only sigh as her container refused to have sex with the young girl before him. She was watching through his eyes withing the depths of his mind. I mean how can he REFUSE such an offer? What the HELL is wrong with him?! I mean sure, she's technically a loli, but he's 15! It's freaking legal! Sure it wasn't morally right, but come on! Sex! Hot 13 year old girl! Making love by the fire! Oh wait, wrong show… **"Looks like I have to take matters into my own hands…"**

Although right now she was wondering why she had an urge to sing about chocolate salty balls.

--X--

AJ: Naruto's not a prude… it's just that… he has morals.

Andrew: I'd say fuck the morals.

AJ: Heh… indeed.


End file.
